NICU reunion

I have re-read our blog entries from the first days of Weston's life several times during this past year. It doesn't even come close to portraying what that experience was like for us. The fear, confusion, sadness, darkness, anger - real anger like I have never felt, jealousy, and love for this tiny person that I didn't even know continue to shape me as a mother. Almost every day those days still cross my mind. Sometimes I am still angry, that I didn't get to experience those first days of joy that other mothers have. But I also truly know how lucky I am to be Weston's mother. I know far too many other mothers of babies who are very sick. My heart aches for them when I remember my darkest moment, when I asked a nurse if this baby would ever come home with me. I know that feeling, I will never forget it, but it mingles with all the joyous memories we have created this year. And I want for Weston to always know his story.

So, it somehow seems appropriate that the NICU reunion was held only a couple of weeks before Weston's 1st birthday. We were lucky enough to see Nurse L who was our NICU nurse most of the nights during those early days. I felt a special bond with her because she was the one who was there in the middle of the night when I went down to the NICU to find them putting in Weston's chest tubes. She went beyond caring for Weston to care for me too. We saw several other doctors and nurses from our time there, but she was the most special. So many beautiful babies were there, so many families celebrating their lives together, I was glad that we were among them.